1. The Hero will be a do gooder
ALWAYS and He will teach the woman her place.
2. The arrogant modern haughty heroine will have a change of heart and she will ONLY wear sarees after that. Once she has worn the saree, it means she’s become the goody goody Bhartiya Naari, Tamizh Panpaatu penn (A traditional Tamil woman).
3. When the Hero has a change of heart and becomes a good man, he will start wearing Pants, and flowery print shirts, even though he is a village bumpkin!!
4. The hero’s sister will
always mostly get raped by the villain or sleep with him before marriage and get pregnant. The “you should wait till marriage” advice is not for her.
5. The hero’s sister will either be blind or physically challenged.
6. The heroine will attain puberty as soon as she stares at the hero or when he lunges at her hand and breaks all her bangles. (Mostly tamil movies)
7. The hero and heroine will ALWAYS fall in love when she trips over a stone or is about to fall into water and the hero catches her JUST in time.
8. The heroine will always be surrounded with 5-6 friends who will be plain janes and will never look good.
9. The Hero’s mother will always have to be a widow who will drink water from the mud pot, but will not take 1 mouth of food from the plate meant for her children. However, she will still have the energy to work in construction sites and brick kilns.
10. The Villain has to have a horrible, loud, characteristic laugh and one from his team will ALWAYS be bald.
11. The Hero will tease, embarrass, stalk and slap the heroine, and yet she will fall in love with him.
12. In a romantic scene/song the hero will bite and curl his lips to show his feelings for his lover.
13. Heroes SHOULD wear kajal, lipstick, sometimes more darker than the heroine. (Ramarajan, Bhagyaraj and all the 60’s 70’s heroes in Tamil movies)
14. The villainous mother/MIL/SIL will have a change of heart only in the end, that too ONLY after a slap from the otherwise voice-less husband.
15.The hero would get beaten black and blue, touch his lips and suddenly realize he is oozing blood AND then ONLY THEN will he give it back to the villains (however battered and bruised he is). Or better still after his mother has instructed him to go ahead and beat the S*** out of the villains.
16.All the raped, thrown out of the house by husband/MIL women who swear to get back at her wrong doers will
ALWAYS have boy babies.
17.The Hero will just wear goggles and a wide rimmed hat to disguise himself and no one will recognize him. Better still he will fix a mole or wear a moustache and that would be the ULTIMATE disguise.
18.The Heroines walk would be so graceful that her hands would be bent at the elbows and palms will be stretched perpendicular to her thighs. Her hips would sway like a pendulum. (I have tried to walk that way and my husband has ended up ROFLing for a full 10mins. How would a man get aroused by that he asks. Hmmm, valid point)
19.All their pets – Dogs, Monkeys, Snakes even Elephants will understand every word the Hero/Heroine or their family talks to them.
20.Even if the Hero has a knife or gun or even an AK-47, he will throw them away and engage in a fist fight with the 20 villains and win.
Brilliant. What a genius I am. Now I will go away to “face palm” myself for sitting through these kinda movies. Do you people have any more to add???
Oh and regarding the hairstyles, wigs and clothes and colours – that has to be a different post altogether.
Leaving you with a classic song of Sivaji Ganesan and Saroja Devi. The song starts in the 45th second. Don’t miss the Hero’s lipstick, see through shirt and romantic gestures. 🙂 🙂