Indian Culture!!!

My mother watches her quota of serials (soaps) on the regional Tamil channel everyday and I happened to witness this episode today. Though I grew up watching such scenes in all Indian movies irrespective of language, watching this scene today, that too in 2015 made me want to throw up.

The scenario – a woman has a mentally challenged daughter who is an adult by age but a 6yr old mentally. The woman attempts suicide due to a family problem and a young man she knows as a family friend marries this “child-adult” in a force of circumstances. Now the woman tells her son-in-law in subtle words to take his new wife home as this day is an auspicious day…….for their first night!!!!! In other words she almost tells her son-in-law “please take my mentally 6yr old child to your house and have sex with her, as the auspicious time is important”. The boy tries to argue saying “I only married your daughter to take care of her since you are hospitalized and I cannot even think on those lines now”. But the mother insists that things should progress and go onto the next level!

I found this disgusting and I almost felt the bile rising up to my throat. I also realized it made me angry….very angry. A mother, educated working single mother, who has brought up her challenged child with so much difficulty, is relieved that she has passed on her “burden” to another person. She is happy now that someone has married her daughter. She does not think that her daughter though physically is an adult, mentally is still a child and will have difficulty even understanding what sex is all about. Dammit, this is equal to  a mother giving her consent to someone to have sex with her 6yr old child!!! That is believe will actually be pimping one’s child! Disgusting!.

When, the daughter throws a tantrum that she won’t leave her mom and go away with the man, the mother chides her saying “you are no more a child now, you are a big girl!!!!!”. Like the sacred mangalyam/mangalsultra is supposed to magically transform anyone into a mature person, more so a mentally challenged person!!! And to top it all her advice to her daughter “listen to everything he says and do whatever he wants”!!!! My BP hit the roof at this sentence! Her actual advice meant – “do whatever he wants and satisfy him. That is your  most important duty!!! “. Gaaaaah!

It just goes on to show that an Indian woman, mentally challenged or not, has no say in her sexual life. She only has to obey and do what the man wants. If she has likes and dislikes (how dare she have interest in sex) then she is not a good Indian woman!! Such scenes are lapped up by audiences who even shed a tear for the ultimate sacrificing mother. This is exactly the advice that is given to even normal adult girls getting married…”listen to everything he says and do whatever he wants”.

This my dear people is Indian culture! The remedy to a mentally challenged person is not to admit them to a good medical facility and try to cure them. The remedy is not to take people with mental issues to a psychologist/psychiatrist and try to cure them. Because if they go the medical route the society will come to know of the problem and the family will be ridiculed. But the remedy is, to get the boy or girl married and sex is supposed to cure them magically and make them mature and responsible. Sometimes these child-adults are married off to people who are forced into such marriages to save the family name (mainly within the family). There is no care or thought about the other person’s wants or dreams about life.

But then I wonder why consenting adults who have sex are looked down upon, couples who fall in love and want to get married are blamed that all they feel is lust and its not actually love and there is no phenomenon called LOVE!!! Oh and not to forget the taboo to even talk or discuss about sex here in the country! Parents do not discuss or educate their girls about sex, what to expect, how to handle it, how to recognize forceful sex, domestic violence etc even at the time of their marriage. Even if the child tries to talk about their sexual problems they face in the marriage, all that is brushed aside saying “all is well, all will get well”. Nothing on the subject is discussed. In Indian culture only men are supposed to enjoy sex and have a say in it. For girls its just “what they have to do” to bring babies into the family.

I am not dissing my entire Indian culture. I agree we have such a rich heritage and culture but there are countless such gems such as mentioned above and more which is just so horrible.

I really wonder when the time will come when we will be rid of such nonsensical culture, tradition, superstitions etc and will truly become a developed country with its citizens using their common sense in their daily life.

You can read about more gems on the faulty Indian culture here -1.